10 MUST haves in a Relationship


Part 1

Part one will look at the 10 must haves in personal relationships.  In part two, we will look at the 10 must haves in our relationships with life and the aspects it holds.

I think we can all agree that relationships are one of the most important aspects of our existence, be it a romantic relationship, sibling relationship, colleague relationship, friendship etc. Absolutely every interaction we have involves a relationship of some kind, right down to our relationship with the day, with ourselves, with money, with life etc. When we realise this, we then give ourselves a starting point to begin developing healthy relationships one step at a time, and before you know it you will be experiencing enormous abundance in life holistically.

Healthy relationships are an essential component of human life. A healthy relationship not only improves mental and physical health but also enhances personal growth and development.

How we see relationships and how we do relationships begins with how we experienced relationships as a child.  More specifically in your first seven years, when the foundations were laid down. Unless you turn your attention to your relationships and the many aspects of them, you will continue running your relationships according to your seven-year-old perspective.

So, take a moment to reflect on what your experiences were like as a child regarding relationships and notice your beliefs around them.  Begin one at a time.

We need to understand what your relationships need in order to thrive, and then decide how you are going to implement these needs into each of your relationships. Work on one at a time so that you do not feel overwhelmed.  If you feel you already have some of these active in your relationships, see how you can improve and enhance them.

NUMBER ONE – Communication is paramount!

Without regular communication we are unable to establish where we are in relation to someone or something.  Communication helps build, maintain and course correct every relationship. Reach out to your loved ones, friends, or acquaintances frequently. Share with them what is happening in your life as far as you are comfortable with and how you are feeling.  If you are unsure about their behaviour in any way, find a way to discuss this with them to clear up any misconceptions or misunderstanding.  If these things are left, they will distort over time and fester into resentment causing pain somewhere along the line. This way, these relationships are not left to wander off and disintegrate causing pain later down the line. If you really think about it, without communication be it verbal, physical or silent, there would be no relationship as you would not be relating to anything.

NUMBER TWO – Listen!

I mean REALLY listen.  Pay attention.  Remove all distractions so that you are fully present.  We have all had the experience of talking to someone who is clearly not interested or more interested in their phone, themselves or what is happening around them.  This is a sure way to send the message that you are not important enough to have their attention.   When listening, make sure you make eye contact and regularly offer feedback.  Pay attention to how they are communicating and the many silent messages being sent through their communication. If you are speaking on the phone, stop what you are doing and really listen.  Be fully present. You will not only give the person you are speaking to a sense of value but you will also be able to enjoy a feeling of connection.

NUMBER THREE – Find ways of showing appreciation and gratitude.

When you do this, you show the people around you that you value them and when they feel valued, they are more likely to invest in their relationship with you which will help you feel valued and appreciated.

NUMBER FOUR – Be fully present.

When you are with someone, whether it is in person or on the phone, be present in the moment. Avoid distractions like social media or work and focus on the conversation and connection with the person you are with. This will give you a stronger sense of connection.  If you are busy and have things to do, communicate this so that the other person still knows that you value their time. This will also build a sense of trust.

NUMBER FIVE – Be supportive.

Support your loved ones, friends or acquaintances in their goals, dreams, and challenges. Being fully present will also help them to feel supported. Support does not mean you need to fix their problems.  Offering advice or your perspective can be helpful but just listening sometimes is all they need to find their own solutions.  It helps them feel as though they are not alone.

NUMBER SIX – Create memories together.

Take time to have experiences together.  They do not have to be lavish experiences.  If you are fully present and engaged, these experiences will create memories which will strengthen your bond.

NUMBER SEVEN – Respect each other.

A healthy relationship must include mutual respect, appreciation, and acknowledgement of each other’s feelings, opinions, beliefs, and values. This means recognizing that differences are part of a healthy relationship and respecting and valuing each other’s views is essential.

NUMBER EIGHT – Develop trust between you.

Without trust, there can be no real intimacy or connection between two individuals. Trust requires both parties to be honest, reliable, and dependable. The level of trust and the form that trust takes will vary from relationship to relationship but cannot be excluded.

NUMBER NINE – Be honest.

Be honest with yourself as well as the other person.  This will create trust and reliability which are also essential for a healthy relationship.  When there is dishonesty, it does not only affect the other person but affects the way you feel about yourself as well which will undermine your sense of self-worth.

NUMBER TEN – Show up.

Invest time and be reliable.  This will deepen your connection and trust.  If you drop the ball, communicate, and apologise to demonstrate that you value the other person still and that they can still trust you.

Remember that nurturing relationships takes time and effort, but it is worth it.  Relationships breathe life into life!

Author: Lara Park

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